South African version of Hell

I heard a great joke the other day, and just have to share it.
A man dies and goes to hell (clearly not a good man - or he watched the life of Brian)
On arrival he sees that each country seems to have their own version of hell. Being a bit of a sneaky bugger, he decides he will have a look see whats on offer before settling down for all eternity.

He goes to the British hell and asks a sorry looking Brit what happens in his hell.

The Brit replies, First we get whipped by the Brit Devil for 8 hours, then we are forced to lay on a bed of nails for 8 hours, then we are put into the electric chair for the remaining 8 hours. The next day it all starts again. Wow says the guy, that is really nasty, I think Ill look around for a better deal.

He goes to the German, Italian, French and Greek hells but they all have the same routine of whipping, bed of nails and electric chair.

Finally as his about to just give up, he see's  long ques of people at the South African hell, intrigued he wonders over. He asks Van who is patiently waiting to get in, why this hell is so popular as all the hells he has checked out have the same routine of punishment. Well says Van, we also have the same routine here, but there's some great differences. Leaning closer Van whispers, the South African devil is part of a union so is always on strike, the nails for the bed where ordered over the internet so they were stolen at the post office before they arrived, so the bed is actually very comfortable. The electric chair is powered by Eskom, and due to unforeseen power outages hasn't worked in 50 years.

The V&A Still Rocks

Poor Table Mountain, was groaning with the weight of 1000's of tourist's this weekend. A trip on the cable car was just not going to happen, the photo on the right is about as close as we got. So it was off the the V&A for some alternate fun.

I can remember when the V&A was being built. In those days most Vaalies, went to Durban "by the sea" for their seaside breaks. The Cape was always a bit to daunting for the East Rand crowd. The advertising for the V&A was every where. It was punted as being a one stop, tourist haven, with the best hotels, mall and night life in the Cape. The timing was perfect, as most people where starting to avoid the city center for a night out on the town, as it was getting more and more dangerous. I was up in the Cape allot in those years for business, so I pretty much saw it being built. Man it didn't disappoint. One of my favorite night outs when it first opened was a very mad girls night out at Planet Hollywood.One week later it was blown up by a pipe bomb, now that was pretty sobering.Today (minus Planet Hollywood) the V&A has found its grove. No trip to Cape Town is complete without a day out at the V&A.
There is truly something for everyone. 5 Star Hotels are dotted around, but so to are the less expensive types. But all of them look fantastic. The shopping Mall is grand without being over pretentious. Ok your pay R16 for a ice cream, but you could just go and get a Mr whippy from KFC. The amount of Restaurants is staggering, both inside the mall and on the harbor.

My all time favorite is still Quay 4. Its got the lot, big comfy lounge suites in the sun, if you just fancy cocktails. Pub style benches for meals, all serenaded by a great one man band. Staff are friendly and amazingly fast considering how busy the place is. The menu is not huge but has some great seafood dishes. I had the Quay 4 platter, with prawns, calamari steak, line fish, mussels, rice and chips. The meals come with some great dips, (watch out for the chill) R99 is an absolute bargain.

If your not stuffing your face or shopping up a storm in the mall, there is plenty of activities to keep you happy, Singing and dance groups are every where, we even saw a concert by the correctional services band.

These guys are seriously good, its a bit like the London street artists, who have to audition to get a spot, only the best get in! The best thing is they are always changing the line up, so you see tons of different artists.

If you like the sea, and fancy a trip on a boat you are really spoilt for choice. From speed boats to pirate ships you can take your pick, for the more adventures, there's helicopter flips (still gotta do that one) and shark cage dives (definitely don't want to do that one)

We did a harbor trip on a pirate boat called the Jolly Roger, complete with Pirate show, my son loved it.




Yep 10/10 for the V&A, now what to do about the tourists on the mountain.....hum!

Wii, You gotta love it!

Well I think we all know the cricket on Sunday didn't exactly go South Africa's way... but when times are dark, there's nothing like some mindless games to take your mind off things. In my case it takes the form of Wii Mario Cart, played with the wheel of course. It's taken a while but I can now finally complete a race without my cart falling off some bloody waterfall or cliff. Ive even mastered the box story... My son and hubby still kick my butt, but he ho I do enjoy a challenge.

Why  is it that kids under 16 and certain husbands can pick up any controller they like and know exactly what their doing, doesn't matter if its X Box, PSP, PS2/3 or Wii the little critters get it right every time. On the other hand, moms just don't seem to have what it takes to be a gamester. Maybe its a genetic thing? Maybe us girls have a missing chromosome or something...
Now Wii fit, aha now that's a different kettle of fish, us girls know just how to punish ourselves with hours of exercise. Seems to me we need to practice more on the Mario wheel, where its possible to have a glass of wine whilst driving, versus leaping around for hours on end with not a glass of wine in sight.

Will Cape Town Airport be ready for 2010? Ummmm

Yesterday I fetched my son, from Cape Town Airport. When I flew in here 6 weeks ago, I was so pleased to see my hubby that I cant say I looked around much as we left. Yesterday we were early, the flight was late and I had plenty of time to see what was going on with the airport upgrade.

Currently its all looking a bit of a mess, every where you look there are temporary wall dividers, diversions and various bits of building rubble. Strange thing is I didn't see any workman, well it was Saturday and this is South Africa....

I think what is most concerning is the apparent lack of security. Sure there's loads of police looking chaps all over the place, and some important looking people in yellow jackets, but a news bulletin on the SABC made a mockery of this. Some guy was arrested on the runway, apparently taking a short cut home,quite a short cut that across a runway!
Don't get me wrong we have an outstanding safety record when it comes to our planes but our airports leave a lot to be desired. I can remember years ago when a ceiling at JHB international collapsed, under the weight of all the stolen luggage stashed up there.

We have friends  round today as the South African cricket team is playing England, the English are batting and giving us a bit of a snot klap, the black labels are flowing and all is well (if we can pull the match out of the bag that is) Told you, sports mad this country.

Happy Heritage Day / National Braai Day!

Today is a public holiday, the Protea's are playing the New Zealand team in Pretoria (where the sun is blazing) and us in the Cape, well it's overcast but warm, but who cares, the whole of the Cape are glued to their TV screens, braais ablaze watching the cricket. They will eat later, much much later... I forgot just how sports mad South Africans are. So on this perfect day what to blog? I have picked a topic close to my heart, food.

KFC - They must of seen me coming, I'm a true meat/chicken, potatoes and gravy girl, no funny shaped little vegies for me. KFC South Africa, have created what I can only describe as my perfect meal. Its called a KFC bowl. It consists of the legendary KFC mash and gravy, with generous pieces of chicken  plopped in, it then gets a lavish topping of three types of cheese and mielies sprinkled on the top. Mielies I hear you cry! yukky veggie stuff... Don't worry you can ask for a bowl with no Mielies, hence its still  my perfect meal.

KFC have come up with an amazing TV advert to support the bowl. There is a concerned Mom, checking out her "moved" out sons eating habits, she checks the cupboards and fridge, and no food. Just as she thinks her poor little boy is starving to death, she opens a top kitchen cupboard and out pours all the KFC  bowls, very funny and always has the same effect on me, makes me crave one NOW. Bonus the bowls and lids are made of good quality microwave proof plastic type stuff, so make great freezing containers when your done stuffing your face

Steers - Wacky Wednesday
Every Monday, on the SABC, Steers begin their Wacky Wednesday advertising run up. By 10pm Tuesday evening you have been reminded at least 40 times that this Wednesday is "Wacky Wednesday" The offer is buy one Steers burger and get another free. Great off and to top it they have the cutest of TV adverts to go with it.

All about "those Americans think were crazy flame grilling those burger patties versus, deep frying it" and so on leading up to " The Americans think were really crazy when we give one away free" Very clever, think of the UK M&S adverts "It's  not just any burger, it's an M&S burger" and you're got the advert imagery 100%. They also happen to make the best - yes the best slap chips in the universe, coupled with their famous spicy salt, man oh man what a pleasure.




Spur - People with a taste for life.
You have to remember, I first left the UK with my parent's when I was about 8 or 9 so Ive grown up with Spur. I have tons of great memories of it. None as prominent as the great Kiddies Birthday meal treat, complete with singing waiters and cool sparklers. Granted that sort of wears off after you turn about 12 but the food... ummmm the food has stayed just as good.

  The decor hasn't changed a bit, same old cheesy names for each branch, same old Red Indian theme,( you gotta love it!)  and fantastic service, "hello my name is James and Ill be your waiter for the evening)" When they say waiter they mean waiter, those guys deserve every cent they get in their tips. Apart from the obvious steaks on the menu, which are all bloody marvelous, (in particular with the legend that is Spur Pepper Sauce)

They have a range of smaller meals, with us ladies in mind. My favorite is one of their 3 mini combo platters, Spicy Spur chicken wings with durky sauce, and Spur Rib combo. Again it ticks all the boxes, in particular the durky sauce, which try as I may ( and trust me I've tried) I just can't recreate at home. Another winner is their onion rings which come with just about everything.

Did I mention all the Spurs I've been to since Ive been back, and on holidays here have smoking areas? How very civilized, good food, a dop or two and you don't have to freeze going outside for a fag. Go Spur!

That's enough of that, I cant write anymore about food, Ive starting drooling and the hubby is looking at me funny. More food stories to come. But for now here's some food for thought.

South Africa is hosting the world cup in 2010 right? Tourist will need to hire cars to get around, (big old place this) This weekend I wanted to hire a car for a week whilst my son is here, as we haven't bought one yet. Surprise surprise not a car to be had in the Cape, tried Avis, Hertz, Tempest,Sixt the lot, and the reason, "its the Lorey Awards said one of these companies" For those of you who dont have a clue what the Lorey's are. (and I dont blame you one bit) In short its the SABC patting itself on the back, and giving out awards to crappy sitcoms like 7de Laan . Another excuse was "its's school hoildays" Come on, there's not alot of South African family,s with the money to come down to the Cape at the moment. Others just gave me the silent treatment, like I was the stupid one for not understanding they could just run out of cars at the drop of a hat. And the point of today's rant is! God help us when half of Europe descend on South Africa needing to hire cars.

Where to start...

Right that's it, I've been back in South Africa 6 weeks and enough is enough, it's time to start my blog. My intention is to write a piece every day. Shouldn't be to difficult as hubby and I both work from home on the internet, so just part of the daily schedule.

We are in the Western Cape, in a lovely typical South African home, pool, mega alarm system (which i had bumped up when I arrived) 8 ft walls at the back and so on. We flew our lovely dogs over here from the UK (stupid expensive, but worth every penny)

Right now we don't have a car, so our outings are limited to the local Checkers, Spar and when we can borrow our brother in laws car a trip to the beach or shopping mall. Because we haven't been here for so long we have no credit history, which makes financing a car all but impossible, but he ho if we have to wait a while and buy cash so be it. Luckily we work on the net, so don't need to travel to work.

On that topic, the internet, or lack of it here is my first bone of contention. Hubby came over before me, so in total has been here over 4 months and we are still waiting for good old Telkom to install a ADS line, it appears that we will have to look for serviced offices with internet on tap, as working like we are on dongles cant go on for ever,its just not cost effective when you spend as much time online as we do. We have an internet marketing company, so we are hoping we are here in time for he much delayed internet boom, and the tools we learnt in the UK put us above the local competition.

Dongles, now there's another interesting point, all this pay as you go, bundle rubbish. Thank god hubby understands it or we would never get online. Online sales, I don't think so, the post office is still a mess, post boxes still on the pavement (very secure)so people just don't order stuff online like you would in the UK. Without the infrastructure, the whole model goes tits up.

SABC, oh my hat, what is that all about? the endless repeats, Who the hell watches judge Judy anymore? Ok we were spoilt in the UK with goodness knows how many channels on sky but BBC wasn't that bad was it? The soapies take the cake, trying so hard to be politically correct they have completely lost the plot.

The weather, well I'm new to the Cape, Jhb girl through and through, but a good friend of mine who lives in Jhb summed it up perfectly, the Cape is like a baby, if its not windy its wet or both. She was dead right. But I must say the last few days have been glorious, even working on my tan again.

ADT Security, back to my point about bumping up the houses security system, we are now the proud owners of breakers on all doors that lead to the front,back or garage. 2 fixed panic alarms and 2 remotes with great red buttons on them. I do my nightly ritual of setting the passives, per room (so the dogs don't set it off by accident) then and only then do I relax. ?Safe (we hope) in our self imposed prison. Hubby just nods and humors my paranoia, cant help it, this country still scares the bejesus out of me.

The area we live in has white, blacks, colored and Indians, Ive seen them when we walk the dogs, all of us behind our high walls... no one really talks, we all just nod and smile.

Rugby, wow what a pleasure, the tri nations has just ended, what a pleasure and feeling of pride to put on your Springbok Jersey and go watch the match in the dodgy but festive pub down the road. What a spirit when the boks are playing, so much more then even the British football lot.

Ok well that's enough for now, loads more to write tomorrow, will also start taking my camera with me every where to capture some truly South African stuff..